Joke #13763

Father: In life you can never be certain about anything. Son: Really dad, are you sure? Father: I'm certain.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: family

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Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, family, sport, wedding
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said. Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"
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has 81.43 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: age, family, food, kids
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
A girl married with a man who had only one foot. Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?" Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!" Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
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has 74.30 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex, wedding
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, family, stupid
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
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Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 79.48 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: family, life
(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
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has 17.81 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, friendship, men, work
My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
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has 84.67 % from 353 votes. More jokes about: family, fart, health