Joke #13932

Did you heard about the guy who finally got the job at the tampon factory? He had to pull a lot of strings to get it.

Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.

What is the best job in a country which is war-prone? "Foreign ambassador."

You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally, he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."

Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.

I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. "I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."

When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.

A man works in the operations department of a large bank. Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"