Joke #13932

Did you heard about the guy who finally got the job at the tampon factory? He had to pull a lot of strings to get it.

Man says to his boss "Can we talk? I have a problem." Boss says "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!" Man says "Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity."

Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge.

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

Knock-knock. Who is there? Stopwatch. Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!

An old man was accounting manager in a company. Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back. After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died. After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew!

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb? A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.