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Snooki is so short and orange that she works part time as a traffic cone.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
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Two liars were talking together:
First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night."
Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass."
First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you."
Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”.
Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
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Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.
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Two men were talking about their wives.
First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
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