Joke #14200

Would you like to hear a construction joke? [Yes] Well I'm still working on it.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. "What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed. "What painter?" "The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'." "Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!" "That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"

Black magic... It doesn't work.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed.

Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.

2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"

How many mexicans does it take to build... Oh shit, They're done!

This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally, he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"