Q: What did one tampon say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
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One night on christmas eve, santa came down the chimney. He was putting toys under the tree for the good girls and boys of the house.
When he got the errie feeling that someone was staring at him.
He turned around and sure enough a lady in a nelgiee was looking at him.
When she noticed santa looking at her she said, "Santa can you stay, can yuo stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey hey, me have to go. Have to deliever toys for good girls and boys."
So then she pulled down her negliee and showed santa her breast. "Santa, can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey, hey. Me got to go. Have to deliever toys to good girls and boys."
Then she took off everything and stood naked in front of santa and said, "Santa can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey,hey, hey. Me have to stay. Can't go up the chimney this a way!"
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank?
A: The sperm is handmade.
During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor, Dr. UK, Steve, and a French doctor, Dr. Myrddin, were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.
"Only last week," Dr. Myrddin said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"
"Don't be absurd, "Dr. UK Steve exclaimed, "It couldn't have been that big. My God, man, she wouldn't be able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied Dr. Myrddin.
"I was talking about the flavour!"
Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
Looking for man with these qualifications:
- won't beat me up
- won't run away from
- is great in bed.
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, s*xy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!