Joke #1716

Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast

Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around. About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer. The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.” “And how about the Martian woman?” The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”

Q: How do you keep black youth off the streets? A: Put a KFC on the sidewalk

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?" Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"

Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age? A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.

Q: What's the pink nub of flesh between your grandmother's breasts called? A: Her clit

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.