Q: What did one tampon say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
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How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
All your tic tacks are gone.
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end.
He'll come out a wide receiver!
Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom?
No?
Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.
Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
Ok, So superman was flying around on day after he had saved the world.
"Man that was hard work, Now I need to relax and f*ck a b*tch."
And so he went to the batcave.
He walked over to batman and asked, "You know any hoes that just want to have s*x?"
Batman looked and replied, "Well I heard superwomen wants to have s*x."
Superman looked at him and shook his head,"Well superwomen wants to have s*x with EVERYONE."
So intern he goes to robin, "Look robin I know your gay and all but do you know any hoes that want to f*ck."
Robin replies, "Well I heard superwomens pretty good."
Superman looks and says,"Well EVERYONE hears superwomen is good."
Pissed superman flies off.
While hes flying he passes over a field.
He looks down and sees superwomen completly naked with her legs spread.
Superman thinks to himself, "I can get in and out in faster than a speeding bullet."
So he flies down gets in and gets out faster than a bullet.
Back in the field superwomen looks around and says, "What the f*ck was that?"
and invisible man says, "I don't know but my ass hurts."
Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vagina?
A: A woman.
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