Joke #1796

Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

If your girlfriend never makes you angry, she is fake. A real one acts like an evil spirit.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.

A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"

Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."

Mum: "How would you describe me?" Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK" Mum: "What does that mean?" Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent." Mum: "What about JK?" Dad: "Just Kidding."

Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"

Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”

Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.