Joke #1862

My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
Vote: has 48.11 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice. Except for Chris Brown.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, life, music, women
Why do rabbits go to the beauty parlor? For hare care.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, beauty
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Vote: has 64.52 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, gay, management, navy
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, beauty, tax
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"
Vote: has 84.98 % from 1038 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, dad, family, little Johnny, teacher
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, stupid
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Vote: has 38.75 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, dirty, winter, women
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned. "Get my brown pants."
Vote: has 84.13 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, life, pirate
I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, life, stupid
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote: has 62.37 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money