Joke #1869

Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis? Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
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has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: women

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An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
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has 83.56 % from 798 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!
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has 59.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: kids, women
Q: Why haven't they sent any women to the moon? A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
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has 49.72 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: travel, women
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
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has 82.08 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, women
Q: What do you call a women who does as much work as a man? A: A lazy b*tch.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: women, work
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
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has 78.97 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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has 52.63 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
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has 40.31 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, fart, women
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: doctor, office, women