Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing, either.
I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it! You never know when you might need a nail.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Baby, baby, baby ooh! Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber? Daughter: No, I'm watching porn. Mom: Oh, thank goodness.
Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
There once was a gal named Lewinsky, Who played music like a Stravinsky. "Twas "Hail to the Chief" On this flute made of beef. That stole the front page from Kaczynski. Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky, "We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski. Since you look such a mess, Use the hem of your dress And wipe that goo off of your chinsky." Lewinsky and Clinton have shown. What Kaczynski must surely have known: That an intern is better. Than a bomb in a letter. Given the choice of how to be blown.