Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice.
Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.
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Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A: Jail.
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In some countries, criminals have the option of either going to jail or spending a day living with Chuck Norris.
No one has ever chosen Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
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A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears.
The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?"
The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?"
"The sucker called again!"
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end.
He'll come out a wide receiver!
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
A blonde's house is on fire.
She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"