Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell phones.
Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement" Me: "Thank you."
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! What for?” “For killing my third wife. I strangled her.” “What happened to your second wife?” “I shot her.” “And, if I may ask, your first wife?” “We had a fight and she fell off a building.” “Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”
Chuck Norris recently got himself an iPad. It turned into iDust when he tried to use it.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
Yo Mama's teeth are so spaced out it looks like her tongue is in jail.