Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?
Student: I don’t know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!
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What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
Q: What do you call a blonde sitting in the back of your 6th grade class?
A: your 25 year old mom.
Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
A: The Food!
Your mama so old she sat next to Moses in the second grade.
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?
Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
Vote:
Five friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there.
They had a great time.
However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to College until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to an Old age home in the nearest town to spend some time with aged people for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time.
As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points.
It was the easiest question in their entire syllabus.
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room.
"This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?
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