Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
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"Is it rape if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows...
You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day.
“Are you hurt?” she asks.
She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork?
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
What is it?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
The answer is: "A Last Name..."
You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
All your tic tacks are gone.
A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!"
The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me."
The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"