Joke #2825

Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
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Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
Vote: has 80.19 % from 366 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
Vote: has 43.72 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
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What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...
Vote: has 56.65 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

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Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? because the grass tickles their balls :)
Vote: has 69.60 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

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Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Vote: has 71.82 % from 157 votes. Send joke:

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A woman heads to the doctors office for her usual checkup. While there, the doc notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it, "Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during sex." The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup. While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of a Y and inquires about it,"Oh, my boyfriend is really into wearing his Yale sweater during sex." The next day, another woman comes in, again, for a simple checkup. This woman too has a rash on her chest, and the doctor, catching on with the trend, asks,"So, Does your boyfriend go to Wisconsin?" The girl replies, "Nah, but my girlfriend goes to Michigan."
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Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!"
Vote: has 78.51 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

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