Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
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The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That’s not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Vote:
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
A: Tell them you can't cum.
Vote:
Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
He's down to four butts a day.
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"