A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”
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A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
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Games for when we are older:
1) Sag, You're it.
2) Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3) 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4) Kick the bucket.
5) Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6) Doc Doc Goose.
7) Simon says something incoherent.
8) Hide and go pee.
9) Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10) Musical recliners.
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There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
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An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat.
The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor.
Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that.
The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
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In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a nigger who was sitting calm in a seat:
In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet!
In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling.
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President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
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Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go.
The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.
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Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?"
Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this."
Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport.
“You must take the loyalty oath first,” the passport clerk said.
“Raise your right hand, please.”
The old gal raised her right hand.
“Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?”
The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, “Well, I guess so, but. . .will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?”
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An old lady went to visit her dentist.
When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs.
The dentist said: "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist."
"I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."