What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
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Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
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A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's goy a car.
When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'".
Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'".
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: Homework!
A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.
The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped.
The priest looks and the young boy, and reflecting back on his life, told the young boy to take the last parachute since he had already
lived a wonderful and full life.
The boy replied, "You can have the other chute because the smartest man on this plane just jumped out with my bookbag!"
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
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Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?"
Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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