Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
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Happy Father's Day!
I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it.
By the way, can I borrow $20?
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Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer?
A: They never get old.
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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.
Kid threw the butter out the window, he wanted to see a butterfly.
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs.
Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder.
They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?"
"Heroin"
"But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange."
"This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip
A: When did you turn up?
A mother and her son are sitting on an airplane, which is ready to take off.
The son admires the parked plains’ through the window.
At one point, he turns to his mother, which was reading a magazine, and pops the question: "Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?"
The child’s mother, bored to think of a reasonable answer, consultant him to ask the flight attendant.
Therefore, it happened: "Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?" little boy asks the flight attendant.
Then, with a smile on her face, stewardess replied: "Did your mom told you to ask me?"
The boy shook his head positively.
So, she says back: "Tell your mother, that our company knows better and.. pulls out in time!"