Joke #3175

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

One evening a old man is traveling at 70mph in a 30mh zone a little further down the road. A police car pulls him over and tells him "I've been following you for 5 minutes and you kept accelerating." The police officer says to the speeder "I finish my shift in 2 minutes. If you can give me an excuse I haven't heard before I will let you go as it will save me any paper work." The speeder replies "My wife ran away with a police officer 3 years ago, I thought you were bringing her back." The police officer returns to his patrol car and drives a way.

What Not to Say to a Policeman: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving. Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband. The question is do YOU know why you pulled me over? I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me. If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude. It wasn't my fault -- when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal. That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum? If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!

Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks. The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.” So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one. Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.” The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said “Potatoes.”

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A plain clothes police dog!

When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”