According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.
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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph.
He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago.
I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school.
Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?"
"Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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Q: What did the police do when 241 hares got loose?
A: They combed the area!
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!