Joke #3293

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
Vote:
has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad. ‘That happens everywhere.’
Vote:
has 85.80 % from 1076 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
Vote:
has 53.05 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: business, health, husband, marriage, wife
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
Vote:
has 56.41 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
Vote:
has 78.50 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, marriage, old people, prison
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Vote:
has 68.45 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage
‘Why don’t you go home to your wife. Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.’ Groucho Marx
Vote:
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
Vote:
has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!" The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"
Vote:
has 57.00 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
Vote:
has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Vote:
has 85.63 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife