Joke #3293

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
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I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
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One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
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has 86.01 % from 1554 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, marriage, wife
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
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has 83.53 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
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Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
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has 56.76 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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has 86.01 % from 1199 votes. More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, travel, wife
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, sex, time
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife