My wife and I have our little fights.
We had a fight last week.
Nothing much, only two police cars.
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Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call.
I need my garden plowed."
Signs Your Cop Partner Needs A Vacation:
9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
A nice lady in a short skirt walks up to a police man on the street and says, "I have a problem."
The police man asked her what it is, she points to a man across the street and says, "See that man?"
The police man replies, "Yes, is he watching you?"
She replies, " NO!, that is the problem!"
At a poor-side of Athens, a kid were on the street and was playing.
A cop who was crossing around that street, saw him and asked him: "What are you doing there kiddo?"
"I’m playing..."
"What are you playing?"
"Oh, well... I collect sand, I pour some water in and I add then some poop and I’m making little weaklings!"
"What kind of weaklings?"
"Cops..."
The cop, furious, slaps the kid and screams: "Get the hell away from here and run to your house! I never wanna see you wondering around here."
For the next two days, the kid didn’t show up.
The third day, the kid was on the same spot, playing.
The cop, saw him again and approached the kid.
"What are you doing there?"
"I’m playing..."
"What?"
"Oh, well... I collect sand, then pour some water in and I’m making little weaklings."
"Congratulations! enthusiastic said the cop. And what kind of weaklings you’re making there?"
"Firefighters...!"
"So, how come you’re not putting any poop on them as well?"
"Cause, whenever I do, they come out cops...!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
FBI.
FB…
We are asking the questions here!
Vote:
Why did the policeman carry a pencil and a piece of very thin paper?
He wanted to trace someone.
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Vote:
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it turned itself in.