One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps.
Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ''Mother, what's that black thing that you're carrying under your dress?''
''Don't worry, Bill, it's just a squirrel,'' she said.
So little Bill kept on playing, and soon his grandmother came along, also without underwear, and little Bill looked up and said, ''Grammie what is that hairy animal under your dress?''
''Ah, it's a squirrel,'' she answered.
So little Bill asked his grandmother, ''Why is it that your squirrel is grey intead of black?''
The grandmother replied, ''If your mother's squirrel had popped the nuts that this one has popped, it would be gray too.''
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A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl asks, "hats under there?"
So the man answers , "A bird..."
The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man...?
She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
A snail and a slug got in a crash.
When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened.
He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up...