Joke #3516

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying, ''I think she's choking!"

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that, as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"

I took two marriage vows. Silence and poverty.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”