Joke #3622

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
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Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
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Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
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A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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"Oh, my love! My darling! If you give me one more kiss, I’ll be forever yours!" "Sh*t... thanks for the warning."
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Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
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A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.
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Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
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If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
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Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
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