A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway? He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit. We put the tape in and started to copy the movements. After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws. It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake! How we laughed!!!!
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?" Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation." Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."