One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly. The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him. Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is...fluctuation." The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's sucks! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging a**hole you are!"
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?" "Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad. Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom." "No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher. Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee. Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!" Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."
Little Johnny took sex ed and every day when little Johnny would come in from school he'll tell his dad for learning sex ed well one day we'll just come in and he said that I got thrown out sex ed Lil Johnny's daddy says how do you get thrown out sex ed Little Johnny said well Dad I got in trouble for eating during class.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny groaned and responded , "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!"
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide. Teacher tries to make a joke: "Johnny, don't swallow me." He replies: "Don't worry, teacher, I don't eat pork."
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Little dirty Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is the girl next door.