Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’
Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
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A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life.
The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom.
She seductively asks her husband,
"Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this?"
The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies,
"Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!"
I could never fight a gay guy.
I don't know how to start.
"I'm gonna beat your ass...
I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up
Sex isn’t the answer.
Sex is the question.
Yes is the answer.
What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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There's something actionable in your pants.
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"I think my privates are too small." he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused.
"Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc.
"No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
They say sex is a killer...
Do you want to die happy?
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