Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
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A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money."
"You wanna be my sugar daddy?"
"Nope I'm diabetic!"
He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave.
The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out ''
I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!''
The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.
The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out,''I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!''
Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series:
"Look, how much he loves her…"
"Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
Q: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl on TV?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.
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There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents.
So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it".
The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink.
On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it.
When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it.
When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?".
And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".