Joke #3844

Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard and Visa.
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Money talks – all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’
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Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
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A man walks into a bar and orders a triple brandy with a double whisky chaser. ‘You know I shouldn’t really be drinking like this with what I’ve got,’ says the man to the barman. ‘Why? What have you got?’ asks the barman. ‘Fifty pence,’ replies the man.
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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
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A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair." Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!" Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."
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Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
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An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins. ‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller. ‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’ ‘No,’ replies the miser. ‘My sister whored most of it.’
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Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.
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Once there was a bartender who claimed he was the strongest man on earth, he could squeeze every drop of juice out of a lemon and he bet $10,000 that no one could squeeze anymore out of a lemon he has squeezed People came in from all over the country, body builders, weight lifters, wrestlers, or anyone that wanted to try. But no one could squeeze anymore juice out of the lemons. Then one day a little nerdy looking guy walks in and everyone laughs at him when they hear he is there to try to squeeze a lemon. So the bartender squeezes a lemon into a cup an hands him what is left over. Then the guy squeezes out 6 more drops of juice, and everyone is amazed! "What do you do for a living?" they would ask, "Are you a weight lifter, a body builder?" "No", he replied. "I work for the IRS."
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