Joke #3880

Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow? Well, it’s tomorrow.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: money

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A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: money, travel
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action. Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it. The next year the Japanese team won by two miles. The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: management, money, sport, technology, time
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
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has 65.27 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military, money
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
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has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store. She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’ Bob Hope
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
"Hello" "Hello" "Is that you, James?" "Yes, this is James." "Are you sure this is James." "Yes I'm sure, this is James!" "This is Robert... can you lend me twenty dollars?" "I'll tell James when he comes in."
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
Harry to Tom: ‘My uncle died last week. Left me sod all.’ Tom: ‘Wow. Sod Hall. How many rooms has it got?’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: money