Joke #3880

Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow? Well, it’s tomorrow.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: money

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I am currently experiencing an out-of-money experience.
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
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has 84.76 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, travel
Yo Mama So fat... She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
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has 76.46 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: fat, money, Yo mama
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."
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has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money, travel
Jesus saves. But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?
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has 22.18 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: money
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.  The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."  The man says "Oh is that where the job is?" The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
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has 82.80 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men, money, women, work
Our body cells renew while asleep. If only our wallets could do the same.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money
How do you find the population of a Mexican village? Roll a quarter down the street.r
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has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: mexican, money, racist
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bible, drug, money