Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
Law of employment: When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed. When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
At the Court discussion between judge and villager: So you was propeling surrogate alcohol? Me? No! What do you mean no? You have a device for that... means propeled. Then please judge me also for rape... So you have raped someone also? Well no... but I have a device...
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
Mary's father has 5 daughters, 1. Nana 2. Nono 3. Nini 4. Nene What is the fifth daughters name?
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong... God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? A: Drummers.