Joke #4059

I’ve been happily married for ten whole years. And ten out of thirty isn’t bad.
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Two men are chatting; "My son asked me: 'Daddy, where do children come from?'" "It's not a big deal... Today kids are interested in that matter on the early years." "Yeah men, but the real issue here is that my son is... married... for five years!"
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids, marriage
Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."
Vote: has 54.04 % from 129 votes. Send joke:
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The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
Vote: has 54.70 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, marriage, sex
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Vote: has 70.62 % from 203 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, love, marriage
A man and his wife shower together. The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me." Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me." The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."
Vote: has 52.55 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
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A couple come across a wishing well. The husband leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny. The wife makes a wish too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well and drowns. The husband says, ‘Wow! It really works!’
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
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One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Vote: has 58.70 % from 134 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, god, marriage, work
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
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What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Wife to husband: ‘You certainly made a fool of yourself last night. I just hope nobody realised you were sober.’
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage