One night, a lady with a black eye stumbled into the police station.
She told the desk sergeant that she had heard a noise in her back yard and gone to investigate.
The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye.
‘Did you get hit by the same attacker?’ his captain asked.
‘No, sir,’ he replied. ‘I stepped on the same rake.’
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Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.
God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force."
The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty."
The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
My wife and I have our little fights.
We had a fight last week.
Nothing much, only two police cars.
Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look.
"As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette.
"Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again.
"Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial.
The note said: “Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone.”
The clerk called 9-1-1.
She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way.
The judge made a noise.
“I wanted someone from maintenance,” she said.
The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom’s right side.
The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Officer: "I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia."
Man: "No wait! I can explain everything!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"