Joke #4203

Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’

I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.

"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: NO! Don’t even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course! Over and over! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: NO! Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling!

A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"

He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"

Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’

My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.

A man and his wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says "I need a tooth pulled. No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," says the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced." The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces." The first man replies, "No, I just got married".