Joke #4203

Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’

My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"

I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom. Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?" "My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.

My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we’ve been up for three weeks.

A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. Instead they were writing notes back and forth. One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.” When he woke up the next morning it was 9. He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her. On her pillow was a note that said, “Wake up, it’s 6!”