Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away. Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
What happens when a dwarf runs between a girls legs? He gets a clit around the head and a flap on the face.
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome