Joke #4316

I drink to steady my nerves. Last night I got so steady I couldn’t move.
Vote: has 27.32 % from 5 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

They say whisky and petrol don’t mix. They do, but it doesn’t taste nice.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber." Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The attorney responded, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates. They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’ The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bible, drug, money
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
Vote: has 47.97 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, men
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, dog, wine
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Two drunks are sitting side by side in a bar. One of the drunks goes to the bathroom but neglects to button up his fly when he’s finished. He staggers back to the bar, sits on a bar stool, and his penis flops out on the bartop. The other drunk yells, ‘Snake!’ and hits the penis with a bottle. The first drunk shouts, ‘Hit it again! It just bit me!’
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party? They're both out looking for a tight seal.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol