Joke #4386

‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store. She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’ Bob Hope
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dating, kids, money, sex
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
Vote: has 79.02 % from 1431 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have." Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: "I don't know? A lot?" Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
Vote: has 82.42 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, money
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"
Vote: has 83.36 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, travel, work
A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’ ‘Is that so?’ says the manager. ‘And what companies are those?’ The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: college, money, school, student
The cost of living is the difference between your net income and your gross habits!
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club. ‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one. ‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money