Joke #4771

There's something actionable in your pants.
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has 39.74 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: sex

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Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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has 80.13 % from 1201 votes. More jokes about: hospital, sex, technology
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
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has 75.89 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, dirty, sex
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
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has 74.64 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: sex
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
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has 37.08 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
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has 34.94 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: food, sex
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
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has 70.82 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, flirt, food, sex
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"
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has 84.34 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, sex, wife
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
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has 53.67 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: sex
Do you work at a cattery? Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
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has 61.91 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex