Joke #4771

There's something actionable in your pants.
Vote: has 39.74 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.” So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.” Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.” Kylie is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?” Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
Vote: has 79.61 % from 499 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, celebrity, music, sex
Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room. She showed it to her husband when he got home. He handed it back to her without a word. She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?" "Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Vote: has 68.02 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation, sex
There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.
Vote: has 56.76 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Vote: has 49.12 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
Vote: has 47.05 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty, kids, sex
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?" Girlfriend texts back "Duh!" So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich." So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!" Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
Vote: has 80.34 % from 698 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife. After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?" "Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
Vote: has 56.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, sex, wife
Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.
Vote: has 68.35 % from 212 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex