There's something actionable in your pants.
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Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
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You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
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Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you screw her.
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!
They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book.
He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies
"I only ever touched one with my index finger."
He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates."
He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis."
She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."
He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate."
Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way.
ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?"
The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer.
I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.