There's something actionable in your pants.
Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
Q: What are the three words you never wanna hear whilst having sex? A: "Honey I'm home."
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
Woman to doctor: ‘Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.’ Doctor: ‘And what are you taking for it?’ Woman: ‘Pepper.’
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave. When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.