Joke #4771

There's something actionable in your pants.
Vote: has 38.74 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What do you say to a virgin? Thanks for nothing!
Vote: has 39.56 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall
Vote: has 35.34 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
Vote: has 73.95 % from 483 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, sex, wife
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Vote: has 77.32 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
One day Pebbles Flintstone got scared and hopped in bed with Wilma and Fred. She looked under the covers on Wilma's side and asked what that was and Wilma said well Pebbles thas my rock. After that Pebbles looked on Fred's side and asked what that thing was down there and Fred replied thats my rock grinder. So Pebbles layed there for a few minutes then sat up and said so mommy puts her rock in daddy's rock grinder and out pops PEBBLES! ! ! !
Vote: has 29.10 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, sex
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 55.71 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Vote: has 49.30 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
Vote: has 36.95 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, lesbian, sex
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Vote: has 57.82 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together? A: In case you miss.
Vote: has 64.73 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, women