Joke #4775

Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
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Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
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What rule could stop HIV in Africa? Sex after dinner only.
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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
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