Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs.
Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs.
Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
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What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
A: Because his wife died.
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Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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