Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs.
Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs.
Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
Vote:
Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
Vote:
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
Vote:
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Vote:
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.
Vote:
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
Vote:
Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
Vote:
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.
Vote:
How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Vote: