What do you call men who use the pull out method?
Fathers.
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My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote:
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
My dick has glue
I offer it to you.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?"
I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."
He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"
I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary.
That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed.
She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?"
He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight."
She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?"
He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.