Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow. 
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A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little
attention."
Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
Jimmy: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Jimmy: good, because i didn't do my homework.
Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
After Graduating from High School, David moves away from home to study at University.
One of his letters home reads:
Dear Father,
University i$ really great.
I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear David,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Teacher: "Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once.
How much is six plus four?"
Class: "At once!"
Little Johnny returns from school and says:
"Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!"
"But I hope you are not writing them, my son."
"No, I'm dictating them!"
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