I've got a new anorexic girlfriend.
Its not going too well though.
I'm just seeing less and less of her ... 
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman?
The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
Vote:
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
The couple then makes passionate love.
When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
"What are you doing now?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.
With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth…
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said.
"Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed.
"You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said.
"Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That’s not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers?
1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles.
2. Hunters always....shoot twice.
3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day.
But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess.
Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me:
Mother: "You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!"
Me: "You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!"
Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!
Vote:
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Vote: