Joke #5120

What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
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Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
Vote: has 82.13 % from 283 votes. Send joke:
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This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!
Vote: has 80.62 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, morbid, travel
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote: has 79.48 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, relationship, work
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 77.77 % from 150 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 77.71 % from 285 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, black humor, disgusting, life, sex
A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
Vote: has 76.54 % from 137 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet? A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common? A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Vote: has 73.51 % from 159 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Vote: has 72.26 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time