Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
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Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom."
The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven.
"I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven.
But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off."
So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off.
When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.