Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
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A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year?
"Forty-eight years old."
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.