How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common? A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined? A: For buttering up her clients.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour? A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies? A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He has to eat his way out. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He goes back for more.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.