Joke #5188

How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
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Husband: Knocks the door at midnight. Wife: Go back where you coming from! Husband: Open the door or I throw myself in the swimming pool! Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care? So the husband stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 minutes, takes a big stone and throws it into the swimming pool. !!!!..Scheweew..!!!! Wife hears and opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. The husband quickly sneaks into the house then locks the door. Wife: Open the door or I will shout!! Husband: Shout till all the neighbours wakes up and comes here. Tell them where you are coming from by this time of the night with only a panty and a bra!
Vote: has 84.77 % from 348 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, time, wife
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
Vote: has 29.98 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
Vote: has 51.88 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, church, marriage, time
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband. "But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter. "Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
Vote: has 50.00 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife
Things Your Wife Won't Say: The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild. I'm bored. Let's shave the p***y. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. Let's get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it. God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust! I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head. Let's subscribe to Hustler. Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you. Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again. Come see! Awesome fart! Do another one!
Vote: has 82.28 % from 222 votes. Send joke:

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Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing. Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.
Vote: has 86.21 % from 393 votes. Send joke:

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Little Mary is at her first wedding. When it’s over, she asks her mother, ‘Why did the lady change her mind?’ ‘What do you mean?’ asks mother. ‘Well,’ replies Mary. ‘She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.’
Vote: has 85.58 % from 170 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A: Two mothers-in-law.
Vote: has 81.85 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

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It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Vote: has 85.53 % from 153 votes. Send joke:

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The woman comes with her husband to the psychiatrist and tells the psychiatrist: "Please, do something with my man, because he thinks of himself that he is a horse." The psychiatrist says: "Oh, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The woman: "Ok, don´t worry, we can enough money because my husband has already won three times the horse racings."
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, horse, marriage, money