What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
Q: Why are tigers religious? A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse.
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane? A dandy lion.