Joke #5273

There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms. The mom walked by all the rooms. The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet. The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.

"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"

I think I just evolved into Homo Erectus.

"Mommie, Mommie....did you know that nurses can come apart..?" "Well...no. What makes you say that..?" "Because the other night, I overheard Daddy say that he screwed the ass off of a nurse..!"

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

Can I read your t-shirt in braille?

Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."

There's a faggot between Y and I on your keyboard... look!

This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.

One day President Trump's motorcade was heading to the Mexican border to see first hand progress on The Wall. All of a sudden a naked lone figure was seen bent over on the side of the road. Wanting to help the president ordered the motorcade to stop. He got out and approached the figure and suddenly realized it was Nancy Pelosi. She was naked with her wrists handcuffed to her ankles. The president said, "OMG Nancy what happened?" She cried out that she was kidnapped by a bunch of people wearing MAGA hats and left to die! The president said "Well I'm not going to let that happen" as he was unzipping his zipper. He yelled out to the motorcade "OK boys the line starts behind me"