Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys?
Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.
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What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
Are you gonna eat that?
I've got something you can take up the chain.
Q: When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face?
A: When her mustache is on fire.
3 europeans come to America.
They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.
But the europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach.
The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you."
So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape.
The native american tells him the same thing.
He laughs and the native american kills him.
They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable.
I just go up and down.
Vote:
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
Chuck Norris made Dirty Harry's day.
Vote:
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.