Joke #5504

Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet. She is funny, s*xy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age!
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If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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One day a mom and her son went to the zoo. There they saw two monkeys having sex. The son asked "What are they doing?". The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?" "Making frosting" she said. Later that night he saw there mom doing it. In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"
Vote: has 53.57 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Vote: has 84.80 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Vote: has 85.33 % from 961 votes. Send joke:

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Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
Vote: has 87.14 % from 956 votes. Send joke:

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Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

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Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
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Chuck Norris doesn't flirt all he says is NOW.
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A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!" The husband yells back, "We're not having sex!" Later, the stranger yells out to them again. Again, the husband yells back and corrects him. This happens several times during the stranger's shift. Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower. His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach. The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
Vote: has 87.45 % from 316 votes. Send joke:

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"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"
Vote: has 75.94 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

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