Joke #5611

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself.

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her. Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God. Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?" Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?" "No." "Hear God?" "No." "Feel God?" "No." This went on for quite a while. "Well then God doesn't exist." Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Full name: John 2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. 3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. 4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. 5. Mental health: mentally retarded. 6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. 7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail 8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock. 9. Working motivation: none. I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple." This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny. He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"

Little Johnny was sitting in his classroom when his teacher asks what sounds animals make. First the teacher asks,"what sound does a cow make?" Susie raises her hand and says moo. "Good job susie" says the teacher. Then she asks what sound does a duck make? Billy raises his hand and says quack. Next the teacher asks what sound a pig makes. Little Johnny raises his hand and says," Get your black ass out the car, put your hands above your head, and spread your legs!"

Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."