One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself.
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Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card."
Johnny: "I don't have it."
Johnny's father: "Why not?"
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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One day little Johnny with his aunt went to a zoo.
Little Johnny pointed to a donkey that had a black and long erected penis more than 20 inches length.
So he asked his aunt what was that.
His aunt responded: "That is nothing"
On the other month when he with his mother went to the zoo accidentally they met the same donkey with his long dick.
Johnny pointing to it said to his mother: "Mommi my aunt told me that it was nothing."
His mother laughed and said: "My dear it is nothing for your aunt!"
Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"
Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
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One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.
Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next.
"My dad owns a farm too.
Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator.
Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny.
"My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory.
He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete.
On the way down, he drank the case of beer.
Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers.
He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets!
So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more.
Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked.
After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
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Susie was having her monthly bleeding and she asked little johnny for his advice!!
Little johnny Said Well i think i figured out ur problem!!!!
SOME RIPPED OFF YOUR BALLS
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Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
Little Johnny was sitting in his classroom when his teacher asks what sounds animals make.
First the teacher asks,"what sound does a cow make?"
Susie raises her hand and says moo.
"Good job susie" says the teacher.
Then she asks what sound does a duck make?
Billy raises his hand and says quack.
Next the teacher asks what sound a pig makes.
Little Johnny raises his hand and says," Get your black ass out the car, put your hands above your head, and spread your legs!"
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Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.
I reached over and pulled it out.
That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said.
"You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
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Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention.
"If I gave you 20," she began, "and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?"
Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
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One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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