A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." 
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Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
What do we do with crude oil?
Teach it some manners!
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
Vote:
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy.
They see two dogs going at it.
The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?"
The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy."
That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama!
The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?"
He says "Oh, were making it a baby."
The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"