I saw a sign in a public toilet the other day.
It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would have liked to have found it in."
So I left it with a porn mag and a line of coke ...
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Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots.
The bartender asks him if it's a special occation?
The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob".
The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house".
The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt.
As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says,
“Your hair smells really nice today.”
She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office.
She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened.
The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?”
Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”